


Lost but Never Forgotten

by strwxbry



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, Loss, M/M, Minor Character Death, Post Season 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26279692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strwxbry/pseuds/strwxbry
Summary: After Church’s death Tucker has been less than his usual self, and Carolina decides to have a talk with him, she gets more than she expected.
Relationships: Agent Carolina & Lavernius Tucker, Agent Carolina & Leonard L. Church, Leonard L. Church/Lavernius Tucker
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Lost but Never Forgotten

Iris was a gorgeous place, A light blue sky, bright green flora everywhere, but it all felt empty for Tucker. It wasn't just the planet that was empty for him, all of it was. Like everything that made him him was gone. Everyone noticed it, how could they not, tucker's presence was like a beacon. He made himself known wherever he went, a bright light that forced you to look at him, but after Charon that light dimmed considerably. 

It had been about a month after arriving on the moon that they decided to intervene. Carolina burst into his room to find Tucker curled on his bed staring vacantly at the wall, not even flinching at her arrival.

"Hey Carolina" Tucker mumbled dejectedly.

"Tucker we need to talk." much like her usual demeanor the sentence was more of a command than a suggestion. 

"'Bout what?" Tucker slightly turned to look at her and Carolina's eyes nearly widened at the sight, Tucker's dark brown irises were bloodshot and his eye bags alone could rival Washington's

The redheads face softened and she moved to sit at the foot of Tucker's bed. "Everyone's worried about you Tucker, you haven't left your room in days and are hardly eating. We just want to know what's wrong." 

Tucker didn't respond and instead focused on his ceiling.

Carolina groaned, "Tucker please, I just want to know if you're alright."

"Of course I'm not fucking alright Carolina! My best friend fucking died!" Tucker's outburst made the freelancer wince slightly.

Tucker exhaled shakily and curled into himself, "I-I'm sorry Lina." Now that shocked Carolina. Tucker rarely apologized, he wasn't one to confront guilt, rather he repressed it. 

"No Tucker, I'm sorry. I didn't realize the toll Church's death had taken on you, and we should have been there for you. But if you want to talk about it, I'm here and so is everybody else." Carolina wasn't one for comfort, she was a stiff person and left that sort of thing to Wash, but right now she saw the pain Tucker was in, and was willing to do what it took for him.

Tucker took a deep breath and nodded, "A-alright. Might as well or Agent Tight Ass might beat it out of me right?" The chuckle that left his lungs made Carolina's chest almost ache. The joking insult on Washington's expense barely landed, like Tucker was forcing himself to be normal again.

There was a small beat of silence before Tucker scoffed quietly, "I thought he hated me."

Carolina quirked her head at that. She had to force herself to bite back the remark saying Church's feelings were far from hate.

"All those years dealing with his bullshit and I had started to think I hated him back. It wasn't until he showed up in that desert forgetting who I was that I knew." Tucker spoke quietly, he'd never talked about this before, but with Carolina it almost rolled of his tongue without his consent. But he found himself not really minding.

"Knew what?" Carolina knew exactly what, but really wanted to hear Tucker say it.

"What do you think? I loved the dumbass." That was the first time he'd said it, and damn did it sting. 

Carolina smiled softly at that. It hurt knowing her brothers feelings for Tucker were reciprocated and she could never tease him for it, or be the defensive older sister, or whatever normal siblings did about this sort of thing.

"Fuck I really loved that stupid bastard..." Tucker was trying, and failing miserably to hold back tears. "I just can't believe he's really gone this time, after all the times that self sacrificing idiot died for us, I really thought he'd come back." 

"You know, he cared about you a lot Tucker." 

Tucker sighed heavily through his nose and cluthed his sheets, "I wish he could have told me that himself" Tucker’s eyes were watery and his throat felt much tighter than before he started talking. 

The freelancer hesitantly laid a hand on Tucker’s shoulder, "He wanted to...that day he told me that when the war was over, he'd let you know how he felt, I just wish that he'd had the chance"

Tucker felt a bitter taste swell in the back of his throat, "You mean...he actually-"

Carolina nodded her head knowingly and gently squeezed Tucker's shoulder, "He really did love you, I would know, he was always in my head." 

Tucker smiled sadly, "Did he...did he ever say anything about me?"

A breathy chuckle escaped the redhead and she shook her head fondly at the memories, "Please, when we left you were all he thought about. When we heard you guys were in trouble he was practically short circuiting in my implants" 

"Fuck, I really didn't think he cared that much. I wish you guys would have stayed. I mean the crash landing sucked ass but, at least the two of you would have been there for it all right?"

"There was a job to do and equipment that i needed him for. He regretted not saying anything to you guys every day, he wanted to go back a couple of times, but I convinced him to stay, if anything it's my fault that's hes...I run him low on power. Epsilon was just a fragment and I’m the one who pushed him." Carolina's chest twisted with a painful and stabbing guilt. She couldn’t help but think that Church could have had enough power to run the Meta's suit and survive if it wasn't for her.

"Lina I’ve watched Wash struggle with blaming himself for everything for months, don't you dare fucking start too. It’s not your fault, he was in my implants, and it was his decision. Church agreed to be your A.I knowing the risks and he did it anyway.”

As Carolina took in the words she realized they sounded familiar, “I guess Wash has rubbed off on you huh?” the redhead laughed quietly. 

“He’s...yeah I guess he has. His lessons really stuck after hearing them every damn day” Tucker said.

A quiet silence laid in the air and after awhile Tucker muttered quietly, “Thanks...it helps having someone to talk to about this kind of stuff.”

Carolina smiled, “No problem Tucker”

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first real posted fic, so don’t be too hard on me lol. also sorry if its a little ooc, like i said first time really writing a fic i intended to post


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